If you are a parent… mother… father… in any sense of the word and you are reading this I think what I say will hit close to home tonight. Any child is a blessing and a wonder. I look at mine and can’t believe that something so perfect was made by my husband and I. They are a miracle, the bright side of a bad day, an astonishment, sometimes a painlol. Awake they are little tornadoes, asleep they look like angels. Watching them discover new things every day is amazing. Learning to speak, to write, to say “owie”. Just all those little things. For many years I was neither getting married nor having children. The very idea frightened me so much talk about it was unheard of and would send me running for a week. Now I am a wife and mother of 2 very animated boys. Tonight I sit and realize that all too often I get caught up in things that need to be done and forget to take in those small pleasures that they bring me everyday.
My oldest, and by all rights forever my baby, is having surgery tomorrow. Such a small thing – getting his tonsils and adenoids taken out. But I am FREAKED… walking around like a crazy person freaked. Eyes blood-shot, hair looks like I stuck my finger in an electric socket, and we won’t even go into my face. I’m not much of a make-up wearer, but I probably should have made an exception the past few days so the weird looks stop at the grocery store. Sleep has been non-existent for the past 3 days as the hours creep closer, even though I know this is barely a blip and will help him so much in the long run. His tonsils have been huge since he was a baby. You can look down his mouth and see two huge balls. He’s always stayed with the sniffles or a cough or something along those lines and I just chalked it up to allergies. His dad’s are drive you up the wall horrible. But then this past year he started snoring. Again thought he got that from his dad as well… he snores like a freight train, lol. Of course none of these things could have come from meWith this we saw that when he was sick those balls in his throat would become so large they would touch. Then the snoring developed into sleep apnea. After a visit to the ENT, found all this could be attributed to infected adenoids and sinuses. Lots of little things that have been there that I just thought were part of him. So we had to make the decision to get all that mess removed. Not to hard of a decision when your child stops breathing if he’s laying the wrong way.
So tomorrow we go in for the surgery. Of course you hear the regular words of reassurance: “routine, performed every day, he’ll feel so much better.” I spent a large portion of my life in the medical field… veterinary medicine, but when you get down to it, there’s not much difference. I used the same words. Helped with those routines every day. Deep deep down I know everything is going to go great. BUT, sometimes working in that medical field you see that they don’t. AND if you’re a mom, you know you’re going to worry every minute of every day. Double whammy. Who wants their 4 year old to have to be put under anesthesia with IV’s and all the works for an hour, or any amount of time. So I’ve prayed and cried and paced and repeated like I never have in my life. They are your babies. You never want them to have to go through any kind of hurt. I think, as a mother, you feel it 10 times over.
This leads me to the English family that I photographed this past spring. First for their son’s senior pictures (he and his friend were on the hay bails and had the wicked bow in a previous entry). Passage into a new beginning. Then right after we took their family pictures. You see, their youngest… their baby… has cancer. A small lump found which I know had to have turned into the scariest thing this whole family has ever experienced. What would seem like endless hours of treatment only to see her feel worse than when she began. Doing everything you can but not being certain for that first part of it. I couldn’t imagine, I don’t want to. Here I am wigging out about something that is not all that big of a deal (OK, big deal to me… but I know once it’s over and my head is clear.. not that big of a deal) and they have the real deal, serious, blow your mind news. Thankfully, Kendra is in remission. The last time I saw her she was having her first night out with her friends. The last time I talked to her mom she was undergoing her last round of treatments and then they were heading out for a well deserved vacation. I enjoyed our session immensely and was awed by love and reassurance that each member of this family gave to the other. Each a brave and wonderful piece of the whole.
So, hug your babies tight today. Tell them you love them. Hug them and kiss them. Let them know that they are your world and your heart. And even though things don’t always seem to work out like they should, there is a brighter spot around the corner that arises from anything that is put in your path.